VERONICA LEE

Kindness is one thing; boundaries are another. When we are in balance, we can offer both in earnest.

Whether the boundaries we set are verbal (just say "No"), physical, or energetic, it is important to be clear and firm. Although not all of us can muster up the courage to set obvious boundaries outwardly, we can still have clarity and firmness inwardly, which makes a world of a difference in whether or not others respect them. 

For example, if you feel guilty for setting limits, you will likely experience others testing them and will end up giving in. Yet, by being clear and firm, others will sense them and respectfully honor them without your engagement. And if they don't, your clarity and firmness will be the backbone you need to stay centered as you affirm your stance.

Boundaries may not be easy to set, but with practice they become stronger and  more incorporated in your actions.

​Over the next several years, we will likely see a greater divide in the relationships we once knew. As our spiritual paths become clearer and we work on integrating our divinity, we will experience new heart-centered perceptions of life. As such, those who continue to act from wounded places and fears will be less compatible with our energy frequencies. In all likelihood, most of our familial relationships will fall away along with all of the denser patterns that helped form us. These relationships – our families and primary relationships – have assisted us in being human and have given us a life experience from which to learn and grow. If they have served their purpose, we no longer need them for our spiritual growth.

For many of us, notably, a major family split has come to fruition fairly recently and, once again, we may be experiencing a sense of loss and isolation. Why “once again”? So many of us have come to bring a new way of being to the earth at this pivotal time, and in doing so, have spent decades feeling isolated from the masses. We have longed for a sense of belonging. Thankfully, as the masses awaken from their forgetfulness, we are slowly, but surely, finding “our people.” And, as our hearts open, we will continue to feel connected to all kinds of people, regardless of our current beliefs about compatibility. With fully opened hearts, we will re-member and live in Unity, or Love, Consciousness.
However, in the interim – this time between feeling connected to all beings and the current disconnection from our oldest relationships – the losses can be quite shocking and painful. For some, the signs of separation have been coming for a long time; for others the changes have been more abrupt. Similar to a death, we experience the loss whether or not we saw it coming. And, like death, we may have many ways in which we grieve. To top it all off – matching the intensity of the universal shifts of course – we may actually be dealing with multiple losses at once.

There are numerous ways to deal with pain, loss and grief. This article, however, is not to give advice in this area, but rather to acknowledge the changes that are occurring in our relationships, as well as offer a perspective about a greater spiritual growth.

If you look around and see plenty of relationships continuing as normal, it’s simply because there has not been a major shift in consciousness in the people involved, or because the both parties are becoming more conscious in ways that are similar and compatible with each other. In other words, if you are experiencing splits in primary relationships right now, you are likely creating some huge shifts within you. Clearing relationships that no longer serve your highest growth is just one element of this shift.

When relationships dissolve, it is important to remember there is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with them. It is simply a change that your soul is ready to make.

As communal human beings, we want to feel connected. For many of us, family relationships are not only important, they are what we have anchored into for a very long time. Whether or not we visit family often, or have common interests, we feel connected to our family roots and want them to stay planted.

Yet, for many who are growing in vast and soul-stirring ways, the roots can no longer support the beings we are becoming. There is no nourishment, no sustenance left. In fact, the relationships have become so heavy energetically, that even if we don’t connect often with our old relations, they have begun to wear on us and have kept us stuck in unhealthy patterns.

Our kind, loving and sentimental selves may wish for compatibility and connection to our families of origin, but the breaking away – if it comes – is always in our highest good. And likely, it wasn’t our doing; the break up was probably initiated by the other party which can make us feel like victims.

In addition to processing the victim-perpetrator pattern, it is wise to refrain from taking the break ups personally. This isn’t, however, to say that you may not have contributed to the relationship’s dissolution, or haven’t partaken in ego-driven drama, but rather to help you gain your neutral footing so you can move forward with your spiritual growth.

When you look at the “causes” for the shifts – especially if there are multiple relationships crumbling over the same reasons – you can use this information in two ways. First, you can look at it on a personal basis and see the patterns you create. Second, you can see the situation as your ego’s way to keep you feeling bad about yourself.

For example, if your mother and sister no longer speak to you because you are “too opinionated and selfish”, you can look at how you might be judgmental and self-centered in your relationships with them and others. In addition, if you have been intentionally trying to break free from the opposite pattern of being a doormat and have started to speak your truth and take care of yourself, then this will definitely stir the relationship pot! Stepping into your power can frustrate the people around you who do not want you to change. However, if you look at the more subtle picture, you can see your own ego at work. The negative reflection you see in another’s action toward you is your ego’s way of proving that these changes you have been making aren’t in your highest good at all. Don’t get sucked in to this game; your ego is simply afraid.

Honestly, is staying stuck or relinquishing your power really worth any relationship?

Believe it or not, a majority of folks will answer “yes”. The pain of growth, or being alone, or the fear of losing relationships keep so many people in dense and self-depleting patterns.
Even if your personal heart wants to answer yes, those dedicated to the path of spiritual ascension will find all incompatible relationships coming to an end. Our awakening soul’s finer frequencies are not harmonious with denser ones and we must move through this clearing process in order to continue our spiritual growth.

Food choices, relationships, jobs, finances, and our bodies and health are becoming more in alignment with supportive, loving frequencies. Our human and spiritual selves will not be able to tolerate anything less than Love; no more settling, no more self-abuse, no more suffering.

Of course, clearing old, denser patterns is a process. For most people, it will take time – most likely many years – and will ebb and flow as we fine-tune ourselves with Love Consciousness.

Feeling completely incompatible with others is temporary, by the way. Though the pain of losing our families and close relationships may feel very real right now, this too shall pass. In a state of Love Consciousness, we move away from emotional needy patterns to those of grace and ease where there is no need to judge or separate “compatible” from “incompatible.” Yes, the split we experience now is permanent in terms of how we are in relationships with others; but we are moving into a place where we do not need to “feed” off our relationships anyway. We, in and of our divine selves, are complete and whole, and by fully recognizing this we create an entirely new way of being in relationship which is more joyful than we can imagine.

Are you losing your mind or just experiencing the awakening process?

A common pattern many experience as the illusionary veil lifts is feeling a bit out of it. Whether the mind starts to question everything, confusion arises, or there's an occasional dizzy spell, you can rest assured (once a doctor affirms nothing is actually wrong with you!) that your body and mind are simply adjusting to your spiritual ascension. 
  
Some ways to help ease the shifts include connecting with other like-minded people and comparing symptoms, taking a warm bath, journaling, reading spiritual literature, connecting with Nature, drinking clean water, and communicating with your pets.

Yep! Communicating with those wise, unconditionally loving companions will help you through the changes, but only if you take their advice. (Specifically, the advice of Mother Nature and your pets, that is!)