Constant Companion

Life, my ever-present companion.
Breathing into my body.
Holding my soul with muscles, skin
and too much thinking.
I thought myself away from you.
No, I could not leave you, not so far,
but my awareness that you are my 
constant companion has faded.
Possibly from that first breath.

In my sorrow, you are there.
In every joy and celebration.

Were you twice as present when 
I was harmonizing with a new life
inside me?
There was certainly a wondrous
appreciation.
But as I delivered Life anew 
my focus held my babes - 
their lives, their breath-taking.

And breath-taking it has been.
Until those last breaths I witnessed
with Eric. With my mom.

But you were their companions,
weren't you?

And in my grief you have never
left me, though in my darkest hours
I sometimes felt the pain too great to 
appreciate or want you. 

In so many ways I've taken you
for granted - assumed you
owed me more. Or that I must
do something right, useful,
productive in your honor.

I've also assumed the role... 
that I somehow own you.
But do I?
Could I own any companion?

You've walked with me while 
I was believing in loneliness, 
likely wrapping your arms
around my forgetting.

I am dumbstruck at my blindness - 
how could I not recognize your
faithful bond?

As I searched the ethers for
Higher, Greater, Most Loving,
Source to find connection,
meaning, answers or strength,
I though not to recognize you.

Life. My devoted companion, 
accompanying my every second 
I am here.
I now see I will never be alone
​in this, Life.

---