Decisions Not Made

Decisions not made...
or aren't they?

The mind chooses like an
arrow slicing through the air
at an intended receptor,
be it a bull's eye, or game.
The skills likely determining
its effectiveness.

So must each decision be as
pointed and direct?
There are too many to track.

I wander through the forest
finding misdelivered arrows.
Arrows of forgotten hopes
and intentions.

But I have not starved thus far.
No, I can easily change course
and hop into my car.
The meats are plenty at my
grocery stores, and I prefer variety,
vegetables and convenience.

But maybe my hunting - my
arrow-shooting - was merely
for entertainment.
Isn't each choice an adventurous
direction in our earthly life?

Some choices, my mind believes,
are crucial. More than crucial -
life dependent.
Am I truly that powerful?

The decisions are too vast to track.
What should I write next?
Is my hand keeping up with the
stream of somewhat-coherent
thoughts and intentions?
And where are they streaming from?
My muse? Divine inspiration?

And when I'm in such flow,
what are my choice points?
Left? Right? Relax? Navigate -
or pretend to navigate - in a
river of possibilities?

So I hesitate at the next line...
my mind foggy from unfinished sleep.

But I made a choice. I urged myself
out of bed. Arms wrinkled from
forceful sheets that begged me to
roll over once in a while.

Exhaustion reigned over all decisions
to fight time and stay wakeful for
the sake of not having a bed time.

I am an adult. No one can tell me
when to go to sleep. It is my choice,
completely.
A tiny corner of my world where I
want to demand my power -
angrily, defiantly away from
structure and should.
Yet no one watches or cares
about such self-navigation -
even my dog rides this one
out with me.
Somehow she trusts in my navigation.

I admire her for that.
The innocence of following her master.

Who is my master?, I wonder.
Is it a choice to take the reigns
more compassionately?
To use gentleness in the pull?

As I pause, I want to find a sweet,
delicate answer... to find something
profound and permanent to bring
peace of mind to my many confusions
on choice, decisions and whether
or not I am good at making them.

Or if not making decisions is kindly
acceptable or even possible.

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