Experiencing my human and ascended selves as parallel realities

Last night I decided to attend a group called "Psychics in Action."  The group, facilitated by Aureya Magdalen, MFT, gathers one evening per month and usually focuses on a theme. I attend sporadically; maybe two to three times per year.  Last night's theme - Trust - was the primary motivation behind my willingness to drive an hour to get there.

It was a good session and, in terms of how we approached Trust, completely different than I expected.

As usual, we were lead into an individually-focused meditation.  Over the decades of practicing guided visualization I have learned, 1) to drop into the desired state extremely fast, 2) to simply observe what unfolds, rather than try to force things to happen, and 3) to refrain from over-analyzing the images or thoughts that come to me.

Well, during last night's meditation, the latter skill was a bit more challenging than usual. The images I received were so "dark" and felt so "opposite" of me that it was almost shocking.  Thus, my judgments, questions and analyzing met the shock with a great desire for understanding.

Fortunately, I have been "deciphering" images and downloads for most of my life.  Within a short time, the information neutralized my perception of negativity.

Soon, we were lead to the end of the meditation and I found myself so deeply embedded into the Oneness, that leaving the altered state was excruciatingly difficult.  Explaining what I experienced is even more so, but I will certainly try.

When I entered the class, I was experiencing human joy from a personal heart space.  Overall, I have been quite happy with my life and yesterday's mood was bubbly and free.

When I shifted into the meditation, I went to Oneness immediately.  In fact, the transition was so speedy, I felt nauseous from the "ride up."  This, however, is a fairly typical experience for me. What I didn't realize at the time was I had ascended "higher" than I ever had before.  In fact, I merged so deeply into Oneness, that the experience of joy that we know here on earth had been transcended to pure neutrality.

It was a huge, clean and expanded experience.  I hadn't really noticed, but there were no feelings in this realm.

Coming back to earth, I actually remained in the neutrality of this Oneness and - upon arriving to my human form - felt the dissonance between my human bliss (from a personal heart space) and the expanded neutrality of Oneness.

In other words, it made my piddly human blissful state seem so irrelevant; almost empty.  This instantly saddened me, but I wasn't completely clear why at the time.  What I expressed to the group was a fragmented report on the density of the third dimension and it's beings.

What I didn't fully understand was that I was experiencing two parallel realities; my human self was grieving over the loss of the simplistic joy of my feelings and experiences, and my ascended self was infused with neutrality which translated into apathy toward my human life and all life forms.
The real irony was I knew that many of us prefer the ecstasy of the spiritual realm over the reality of three dimensional living, and here I was wishing to recapture my human bliss.

I realized how much I have loved living my regular life - even with all of its "imperfections." The contrast before and after the meditation was amazingly profound and so paradoxical. And although I was experiencing the overlaying of these two aspects, I saw how integrated I had become. 

Thankfully, after expressing the sadness I was experiencing, Aureya suggested a few tools to help me re-connect with my human heart.  I meditated, took some deep breaths, depressed the palm of my hand with my thumb and slowly merged the "two" experiences of me back into the moment.  This was not an easy task, and the ascended me remained activated to such a degree I could hardly understand the concept of a human heart.  I imagined and nearly felt the human love for my children, but it was more like a distant memory in some past life.

A variation of joy resumed, along with a massive download of information.  I knew this was a humanly and spiritually altering life change; I also knew that I'd probably never know exactly how or why.  Something major shifted within me.  A huge "piece" of Oneness came back with me. I knew it was for me and for humanity as a whole.

Today I am a bit more clear about what happened last night, but not fully.  Simultaneously, I am clueless about what is unfolding.  Regardless, I know I am grateful.

Who knows, I may even integrate this new information and experience into my practice.